


Santa Clods

by LetsGetNonCanon



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, F/F, First Christmas, Fluff, Gift Giving, Holidays, Humor, I Stole This Title From A Sweater, Romance, Sexual Humor, Ugly Holiday Sweaters, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-08 08:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8836708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetsGetNonCanon/pseuds/LetsGetNonCanon
Summary: Snow is falling, bells are ringing, lights are shining and people are cheering. It's Christmas time! Even if it is a bit of a weird place, Beach City celebrates the holidays as well. Of course, Peridot makes it her mission to get Amethyst the perfect present, and vice versa. Who's present will come out on top? Will Peridot learn the true meaning of Christmas? Will there be a cheesy mistletoe scene at the end? (Probably, but that's besides the point). Let's find out!





	1. Snowed In

A fearsome snowstorm raged outside, covering Beach CIty in a thick layer of pure, white snow. Brightly colored lights decorated each and every building in town, causing a brilliant glow that pierced through the dark storm. Everyone was huddled inside, enjoying the wintery holiday cheer from the comfort of their homes. Everyone in Beach City was full of glee. Everyone, that is, except for a certain green alien.

“How is this planet habitable?” Peridot hissed and she glared out Steven’s front window, “Just a few moments ago it was perfectly clear outside. Now it’s...this!”

“Aw c’mon Peridot, don’t be upset. The snow is here just in time for Christmas!” Steven said gleefully.

“Just in time for what?” Peridot mumbled, her eyes still locked onto the storm.

“What?!” Steven screeched, “You don’t know about Christmas?!”

“Whatever it is, it sounds painful.”

Steven wanted to speak, but words failed him immediately. He wasn’t completely surprised that Peridot didn’t know what he was talking about, just a bit caught off guard. Putting together everything he knew about Christmas and the holiday season into a concise explanation, didn’t seem possible. Steven decided to save the more complicated bits, such as Santa or flying reindeer for a later time. After a few moments of contemplating, he settled on an answer.

“No no,” Steven laughed, “Christmas is about being happy. People give each other presents, you drink cocoa, you wear ugly sweaters, it’s fun!”

Peridot stared back blankly, “I fail to see the point.”

“It’s just about being with your family, and people you love.” Steven beamed, “Like...once the storm clears, my dad is gonna take me to go see some family of ours who live really far away. We don’t get too see them very often, so it means a lot to them.”

“People you love?” Peridot echoed with a quick glance towards the temple door, “So...do the gems celebrate with you?”

“Sorta. Pearl doesn’t really understand it either and Garnet is usually on one of her personal missions. Amethyst celebrates it...but I’m pretty sure she’s just in it for the free stuff.”

“Interesting…,” Peridot whispered, her mind racing a bit, “what else is there to do for this…’Christmas’?”

“Well,” Steven scratched his chin in thought, “there’s a lot of little traditions. Like...mistletoe!” he said, pointing to a small plant hanging from the ceiling, “When two people stand under it, they have to kiss. It’s actually kinda creepy when you think about it, I mean-”

Steven’s words were lost to Peridot, her mind moving at a mile a minute. The very idea of Christmas, like many other things on Earth, seemed arbitrary at first. But having it explained made it seem somewhat...pleasant. Exchanging gifts, developing bonds, non-optional kissing, it all seemed like a recipe for perfection. Or horrendous disaster. Whichever came first. Peridot was so busy fantasizing, she hadn’t even noticed the temple door open. Amethyst sauntered out, stretching her arms with a loud yawn.

“‘Sup nerds?” Amethyst asked with a grin.

“I was explaining the magic of Christmas to Peridot!” Steven said, his eyes glimmering like stars.

“Oh yeah right, I almost forgot about Christmas,” Amethyst laughed, “I guess that explains all the boring junk on tv lately.”

Before Steven could voice is displeasure in Amethyst’s opinion about Christmas specials, Peridot cut in, “S-so um, Amethyst,” she sputtered nervously, “do you have any plans for...uh…’Christmas’?”

Amethyst made a low humming sound in mock thought, “Mmm, no I don’t think so. Why, you getting a present for me Peri?”

“Er...well I just figured since, according to Steven, we’ll be the only ones here at the time, we could celebrate...together?” Peridot barely managed to spit out her sentence, her face growing hot.

“Sounds good to me. I think I already have a present in mind for you.” Amethyst said with a smile.

“You...you do?”

“Sure, but I gotta go back to my room to go make it. I’ll see you guys later!”

Amethyst turned and ran back into the temple, excitedly laughing to herself. Peridot’s legs nearly gave out on her, her nerves finally giving way. Step one was done, but now it was time for the difficult part. Peridot turned back to Steven, her eyes sunken a bit.

“So...what do people give each other on Christmas?”

“You usually just give people something you think they’d like or need,” Steven explained, “but really, it’s the thought that-”

“Yeah yeah whatever,” Peridot interrupted, “so what you’re saying is that I need to apply all of my knowledge of Amethyst in order to obtain the perfect gift?”

“Well....I guess, but I think she’s just happy you-”

“Nyeh heh heh ha! Well why didn’t you just say so?” Peridot cackled as she reached for her tablet, “This is going to be easy!”


	2. Christmas Is Garbage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have no idea how hard it was to keep the "junk" jokes to myself. But its Christmas, so the sex jokes stay in my head...at least until the mistletoe gets hung up.

Amethyst dug through her piles of junk, tossing items she found to and fro. Many of her smaller piles had ended up as unorganized messes on the floor, casualties of her frantic hunt. She grumbled to herself as she continued her search, her mind infuriatingly blank.

“Why did I tell her I already had a present? She’s probably expecting something awesome, and I can’t even think of anything good!” she berated herself.

Amethyst stood back to take a better inspection of her surroundings. All around her she saw towering piles of garbage, junk, and all sorts of clutter. Normally, such a sight made her happy. But all it did currently was remind her of her current predicament. Amethyst reached into her pocket and pulled out a small, wrapped present. A perfect rectangle, roughly seven inches in size. She had picked it up for Peridot originally, but for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to give it to her. It no longer seemed good enough. Amethyst figured it could at least make a decent back-up gift as she shoved it back into her pocket.

“This is what I get for trying to flirt,” Amethyst grumbled, “now I don’t even...wait...what are..these?”

From a nearby heap, Amethyst found a pair of jet black elevator shoes, big enough to give the wearer at least an extra five inches of height. They were in pristine condition, a far cry from almost everything else in Amethyst’s room. Gears began to turn in Amethyst’s mind, an idea slowly forming.

“Peridot likes making stuff out of trash, so maybe...ugh, it probably wouldn’t even work. Plus, it would take forever.” she moaned to herself.

Amethyst’s mind refused to put the idea to rest. The image of Peridot’s face lighting up with glee forced a goofy grin onto Amethyst’s face. Part of her knew she wasn’t going to come up with a better idea any time soon, despite how difficult it may be to make happen. With a sigh she picked up the shoes, carefully picking out a few other items to carry with her.

“Stupid cute nerd...making me do work…”

*

Steven watched uncomfortably as Peridot furiously typed on her tablet. She had been mumbling to herself for the past fifteen minutes or so, seemingly blind to the world around her. At first, Steven was happy that she seemed excited about Christmas, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that she wasn’t in the spirit at all. She seemed upset, indignant, as if she had a grand point to prove. It hurt Steven’s heart to see what was supposed to be a happy occasion cause strife. Eventually, Peridot tore her eyes from her screen.

“Alright, I have reviewed all of my data, and I’ve decided on the perfect present!” Peridot said triumphantly.

“That’s good!” Steven laughed, “...What is it?”

“Simple, Amethyst spends most of her time eating, so I’ll just get her some food! It makes total sense!”

“That’s not...bad,” Steven said, choosing his words with caution, “but...it would probably be more special if you made the food yourself.”

“Make food? How do you…’make’ food?”

“It kinda depends on the food, Peridot. But,” Steven smirked, “I know what one of her absolute favorites is, and how to make it, so I can help you.”

Peridot grabbed Steven by the shoulders, her eyes bugging out of her skull, “She has a favorite?! What is it?! Tell me!”

“Peridot, c-calm down!” Steven squeaked, “It’s the thought that count-”

“I don’t have time for your nonsense you pebble!” Peridot protested, “Just tell me what you know!”

Steven held his hands up to keep a bit of distance from her, “A few years ago, my dad taught me how to make Christmas cookies that he used to make with mom. Amethyst loves them. If you come with me to the kitchen, calmly, I’ll show you how to make them.”

“...Very well. Lead the way.”

Steven guided Peridot over towards the kitchen, the green gem jittering slightly as she moved. She restlessly took a seat as Steven gathered ingredients. Peridot vaguely recognized a few items, such as flour and milk, but the rest was alien to her. Her eyes darted throughout the room, finally settling on a half-opened garbage bag sitting close to her seat. She pulled it over to herself and peered inside. The bag was full of all sorts of trash and assorted junk, all in good condition.

“Oh yeah,” Steven laughed once he noticed Peridot with the bag, “I found a whole bunch of stuff for you and Lapis to make meep-morps out of. I was gonna bring it to you but then...well, you know.” he said, gesturing towards the storm.

Peridot didn’t respond, silently digging through the bag, agitation and impatience guiding her hands. She had long begun using meep-morps as a way of dealing with her feelings, especially the ones she didn’t enjoy actually feeling. The first thing of note she found was a large tire, one that would have probably gone on a tractor if it were new. She laid it flat on its side, mindlessly searching the bag’s remaining contents with her other hand. She found a string of Christmas lights, which she promptly wrapped around the tire, and few light bulbs. Before she could figure out what to do with them, Steven snapped her back to reality.

“Alright Peridot, wash your hands and come here.” he instructed.

Peridot did as she was told, careful to step around her half started project. After washing her hands, she made her way to the counter, finding herself standing in front of some pale goop sitting in a bowl. Steven handed her an electric mixer.

“I put all the ingredients together for you, all you have to right now is stir it.”

“How exactly is this going to get us food?”

“Just trust me.”

Peridot hesitantly brought the mixer to the bowl, jumping a bit as she switched it on. She watched the mixture spin and churn attentively, it was almost mesmerizing in way. The small machine in her hand nullified any effort on her end-it was so simple! She’d have the present done in no time! The thought should have made her happy, and in a way it did, but she couldn’t help but feel a tad dissatisfied with the turn of events. Her mind wandered as she continued mixing. She imagined Amethyst receiving her gift, her eyes widening and her smile shining. Peridot had no reason to believe that Amethyst wouldn’t like the gift, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

“You’re doing great Peridot!” Steven cheered as he readied a bag of powdered sugar, “Once your done we-”

“Steven,” Peridot interrupted absentmindedly, “do..do you think she’ll like this?”

“Of course! Like you said, Amethyst loves food.”

“Based on my data, that is correct.” Peridot reassured herself, “So, what now?”

“Now I preheat the oven,” he began, setting the dial to 325 degrees, “while that’s heating up, we-”

Steven showed Peridot how to prepare the dough into the correct shapes and put it in the oven, but his words went mostly unheard. Peridot couldn’t shake a small, nagging feeling hanging over her head like a buzzing insect. She wanted her gift to be good, and she knew it would be...at least, she thought she knew. She never could seem to think completely straight when Amethyst was involved, especially after she helped her discover her powers. She always felt nervous, happy, but nervous. Sometimes it would cause her to say odd things, and sometimes it would rob her of her ability to speak at all. Peridot couldn’t fully understand it, but she did understand that she wanted to make Amethyst happy. Despite having concrete information that these cookies would do just that, it didn’t feel right anymore. Perhaps some of Steven’s holiday-themed rambling had gotten through to her. 

“I can’t give her these.” Peridot whispered.

“Well of course you can’t, they need to cook first. But then again that probably wouldn’t stop-”

“No no, I mean...ugh.” Peridot slumped down onto the floor, unwilling to hold herself up, “The numbers have betrayed me Steven.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want my gift to make her think of food. I want her to think of me.” Peridot sulked.

The situation pieced itself together in Steven’s mind, causing him to smirk, “That’s what Christmas is about Peridot, being close with people you care about. Your data isn’t going to help you do that.”

“If I can’t rely on my data, what can I rely on?!” Peridot squaked.

“Just think long and hard, what do you think Amethyst would like? What do you think would make a special present?”

“I...I don’t know. That’s the problem, I’m drawing a complete blank. I want to give her something special but...I don’t have anything.”

“Just give her something from your heart Peridot. I’m sure she’ll love anything you give her.”

“I don’t have a heart.” Peridot grummbled.

“Aw come on, don’t be like that.”

“I mean that literally, I don’t have internal organs. We’ve been over this.”

Peridot cradled her head in her hands, he thoughts jumbling together into an unintelligible mess. Her normal confident demeanor had crumbled away long ago, leaving her agitated and confused. The numbers were meaningless. The data was meaningless. Everything seemed meaningless. Peridot herself could barely work out how she felt about Amethyst for herself, let alone for someone else. The only reason she even took an interest in the holiday was to try and get her attention, but now she had failed before she even got the chance. Steven sat down on the floor next to her.

“It’s not that bad Peridot, I’m sure you could get her something cool from the store once the storm clears.”

“I...suppose that’s my only option. After all, it’s not like I-” Peridot’s sentence fell short once her eye caught her partially completed meep-morp. A light shone in Peridot’s eyes as everything became clear. She only had so many ways to express herself, and she may have just figured out the perfect way. Peridot jumped up and grabbed the tire under one arm, throwing the trash bag over he shoulder. She made a beeline for the warp pad, Steven calling after her.

“Peridot?! Where are you going?”

“I have it Steven! The perfect present! All I need to do is get back to the barn!”

“But what about the storm?”

Peridot jumped onto the warp pad, turning back to face Steven, “I’m not going to let some frozen water stop me! I have a present to build!” she proclaimed as her body was whisked away into the light.

*

Amethyst hauled her supplies to the clearest spot in her room, the place where she kept her bed. With her, she had the shoes she’d found earlier, a pair of salad tongs, a life vest, a fanny pack, a roll of duct tape, and some sewing equipment. She gave a dejected sigh as she took another look at it all. It was the best she could scrounge up, but it still didn’t seem like enough. The weight of the gift in her pocket became very noticeable, it would be so easy to just give Peridot that instead. When Amethyst thought about the possibility, a sharp twang of guilt punched through her, nearly knocking her breath out. It was more than a present, it was an apology. An apology she knew she had to make, one way or another. She had tried making it before, albeit a bit more subtly. She never thought she would end up enjoying the time she spent with Peridot as much as she did, especially when they used to be enemies. The memories were beyond jarring now, to think that the horrific Homeworld gem she had spent so long fighting turned out to be a vertically challenged nerd with a taste for trashy television.

Amethyst chuckled to herself, the thought of Peridot and Steven being practically hypnotized by their weird shows. It was cute in a way, even if the shows themselves were a pain to sit through. It was always more fun to drag Peridot outside, like when they went to Funland or the Kindergarten together. The next vision in Amethyst's mind was of the barn, or at least, the funhouse Peridot and Lapis had turned the place into. It was nice to find some who had a similar appreciation for junk, even if she displayed hers differently. Her and Peridot her pretty different people, but that only made what similarities they had even more noticeable. Amethyst only wished she could spend more time with her. Amethyst’s eyes fell to the items on her bed. If she made this gift, and made it right, not only would Peridot be able to spend more time with her, she’d probably be more willing to as well. Amethyst tore a large piece of tape from the roll with her teeth.

“This is gonna be a bitch to wrap.”


	3. Gift Exchange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays everyone, I hope you all have a wonderful time! ^_^

Peridot sliced into the tire with a sharp knife, carefully creating four incisions symmetrical to one another. From the various materials she had around the barn, she was able to produce four silver magnet rods, which she fashioned into the tire as tightly as she could, and a large coil of copper wiring. Peridot jostled the tire slightly, ensuring the magnets wouldn’t fall out. Once she was satisfied they were secure, she dragged wiring to her side and began to feed it through the tire. Her mind wandered as she worked, a chaotic troop of emotions swirling inside her head. During the usual meep-morp creation process, Peridot would have nearly the entire project worked out, leaving only a small margin for possible change due to lack of resources or time. The control of it all made her feel secure, made whatever she happened to be dealing with at the time seem manageable by comparison. Now however, she let her mind run free. Peridot didn’t have a design, or schematics, or even the best idea of what this sculpture would do. All she knew was, it had to be perfect. Peridot continued to work meticulously, never allowing Amethyst to leave the forefront of her mind. She also had a portable tv a few feet from her, playing various holiday specials at a near ear-grating volume, serving as a secondary source of inspiration. Something on the screen caught Peridot’s eye, making her step back from her project for a moment.

“Ah yes, I almost forgot.” Peridot said, a flash of light bursting from her gem. Peridot now wore a sweater over her normal clothes, a garish shade of green with a cartoony alien face on the front, “Perfect! Now, back to work.”

*

Amethyst flopped onto her backside, relieved that her work was finally done. It wasn’t the prettiest gift in the world, but it was the best Amethyst could hope to do. All that was left to do was wrap it. Amethyst pulled a roll of wrapping paper, tape, and scissors from underneath her bed and began to wrap the gift as carefully as she could. The creation was almost as big as she was, that along with the fact that Amethyst was deathly afraid of breaking it and ruining all of her work, meant the process took a lot longer than she would have liked. An odd tug-of-war of sorts raged on inside Amethyst. On the one hand, she knew Peridot would love this present. On the other, giving it to her felt a bit unnerving. Aside from an almost innate feeling of guilt, it almost seemed like a step backwards. Her and Peridot didn’t get off to an amazing start, but Amethyst still enjoyed spending time with her nonetheless. Accidentally offending her with a present seemed like a real concern, but Amethyst continued to wrap anyway, figuring it was too late to change anything. Once the present was wrapped, Amethyst made her way out of the temple.

*

The main part of the house was empty when Amethyst stepped out from the temple door. The storm outside had cleared, meaning Steven most likely left already. Amethyst trudged over to the couch, placing her present on it. Her eyes scanned the vacant area, too nervous to be bored. She caught a glimpse of a mistletoe hanging above the door and, in an unthinking moment, snatched it and shoved it in her pocket. Before Amethyst could question her own sanity, the warp pad activated. Peridot stepped off it, pushing a large object with a tarp thrown over it in front of her.

“Greetings Amethyst,” she grunted as she pushed, “your present is complete.”

“Oh uh..hey Peridot. Nice sweater.” Amethyst chuckled.

The pair walked over to the couch, sitting down without saying another word. Peridot wasn’t sure what to do next, while Amethyst couldn’t find the words. As a result, the two sat staring at each other for an uncomfortable few minutes. Peridot finally spoke up, speaking slowly.

“Would you...like your present now?”

“Oh y-yeah sure!” Amethyst laughed awkwardly. 

Amethyst flung the tarp off, revealing an odd sight from underneath. It was a large tire, strung with lights and a bright red button on one side. Four silver rods stuck out the top, and it had four small wheels attached to the bottom. Amethyst gazed at it for a moment before pressing the button. The lights began to blink, a larger light beaming from the center of the tire. The magnets began to vibrate ever so slightly, causing bits and pieces of multicolored metal to rise up from the inside of the contraption. A rainbow of metallic confetti shimmered and swirled in mid air, looking almost like a lava lamp. A noticeable heat came off the meep-morp as it did this, bathing a few inches around it in a cozy glow.

“Woah,” Amethyst breathed, “this is awesome!”

“I-I call it ‘Amethyst’,” Peridot flushed, “because when you’re around I find myself feeling like...this.” she gestured towards the gift.

“Warm and colorful?” Amethyst laughed.

“Y..yes.”

Amethyst felt a swarm of butterflies in her stomach and she handed Peridot her present. Peridot tore the paper off, her eyes widening a bit as she did. The gift, or gifts as it were, consisted of a pair of gloves, each with a pair of salad tongs somehow sewed onto them, a life vest with a fanny pack sewn onto it, and a pair of oddly tall shoes, spray painted green. Peridot slipped the gloves on, the tongs forcing themselves shut when she made a fist. Peridot looked down at the other items,a mixture of confusion and elation decorating her face.

“Are these...limb enhancers?”

“Well...sorta. I felt bad for throwing your other ones away so I figured you might like some more. They can’t shoot lasers or anything but…” Amethyst’s words trailed off as she watched Peridot throw the rest of the costume on, awkwardly attempting to walk in the elevator shoes.

“Amethyst these are quite expertly crafted,” Peridot said as she fumbled, “I’m impressed!”

“Oh it’s nothing really,” Amethyst blushed, “I’m just glad you like them.”

Peridot opened her mouth to talk again, but noticed Amethyst looking away from her, a bit dejectedly. She liked her gift, and Peridot graciously accepted hers...what was the problem?

“Is something wrong?” Peridot asked.

“It’s nothing..just..,” Amethyst forced her words out, her face burning the entire time, “I thought you were cuter without them that’s all.”

Peridot could feel the blood rush to her face fast enough to make her dizzy, “If...that’s the case, why did you make them for me?”

“I thought you’d like them. I felt bad I threw your other ones away and...I’m sorry.”

“Amethyst…” Peridot struggled to remove the outfit, “I...do like it. But...I suppose I could...keep it off around you. If that would make you happy.”

“Peridot, you don’t have to-”

“Too late! I’m taking it off!” Peridot said with an exaggerated tone. She gently set the homemade limb enhancers onto the couch, not wanting to damage them.

“Hey, open up the front.” Amethyst instructed.

Peridot unzipped the fanny pack, finding a wrapped present inside, “Wha..what is this?”

“I got you another present in case you didn’t like ‘em. Go ahead, open it.”

“Amethyst, I do like the limb enhancers,” Peridot said as she opened the second present, “I don’t understand why you don’t-”

Peridot’s words stopped dead in their tracks. She was holding a dvd case, a fairly new one from the look of it. Big, bold letters on the font read; ‘Camp Pining Hearts, Christmas Special.’ Peridot’s eyes lit up like stars, unable to look away from it.

“So...like this one a little better?” Amethyst joked.

“This exists? Why didn’t someone tell me this exists?!” Peridot squeed.

Amethyst nearly hit the floor laughing, tears flowing from her eyes. All that worrying for nothing! Peridot excitedly ran over to the tv, popping the dvd in and grabbing the remote. She threw herself at the couch, prompting more laughter from Amethyst.

“This is gonna be great!...Except, I only got you one present.”

Amethyst stifled her laughter long enough to speak, “Don’t worry Peri, seeing you nerd out is-” Amethyst stopped to sniff the air, “hey...do you..smell that?”

Amethyst followed her nose to the kitchen, finding a bowl filled with brown cookies, each decorated with a chocolate star. A small piece of paper was taped to the outside of the bowl, “To Amethyst, from Peridot.” written on it in Steven’s handwriting. Amethyst threw a cookie into her mouth and she grabbed the bowl, “Looks like you did get me two presents Peri!” she said happily.

“Alright, let’s do this!” Peridot sang, pointing the remote at the tv.

“Wait, Peridot. There’s one more thing you forgot.”

“What did I-”

Peridot turned around and found Amethyst holding the mistletoe above her head with a smirk. Peridot’s face burned a dark green, her hands fidgeting a bit. Amethyst leaned in, closing her eyes with her lips puckered. Peridot compelled herself closer, her nerves fizzling away. After another tense moment, their lips met, both giving the other a slight push. Peridot subconsciously put a hand to Amethyst's face, keeping the two together for a few long seconds. A blissful warmth enveloped them, the entire world around them completely still. Amethyst moved her hands onto Peridot’s back, running them slowly up and down as a quiet hum escaped her lips. Finally, they separated.

“That was...nice.” Amethyst said.

“Y-y-yes, well, shall we start the movie now?”

“Sure thing nerd,” Amethyst said with a peck on Peridot’s cheek, “merry Christmas.

“Merry Christmas.” Peridot echoed, “And for the record, I do like the limb enhancers.”

“I figured you’d like my junk.” Amethyst grinned.


End file.
